safe journey, reg...

He's gone.

I've been dreading this day for over two years, when Rhed first told me of his plan to leave the country and become a director. Back then, he was "Tootsie." Today, it's "Reg" who's leaving - and that doesn't make it any easier.

In fact, it's harder I think.

It's actually a lot harder for me now. I don't think I ever cried this much when I lost my Tootsie. Reg leaving is WAY more painful, because I love the way we are now and because there's just so much of him that I'll miss. That I do miss. Things like...

- the way we fight
- that smug look he gives when he's right (which is practially ALL THE
TIME!)
- that puppydog look that he exploits so much

He's coming back for Christmas though, of that I'm certain. Especially because he's ever-so-good at proving me wrong - and I was willing to bet that he's not coming back for the holidays. Good ol' Reg. Always knows how to get to me. Still, when you're used to someone's company it's so hard to let go. The Reg we're loaning to Long Island (yes, it's a loan. he's coming back) means more to me than any Tootsie ever will.

This morning, Reg said thank you for loving him so much. Truth is, however, that it was never really that hard to do. We've had more than our fair share of drama, but he's just so easy to forgive (?) - moreso to love. And to this day, for the life of me, I still can't pinpoint exactly as to WHY. HE JUST IS. Lucky bastard. ;)

He did give me a great going-away present though - and it wasn't season 9 of Friends. It's hard to explain, especially to anyone who might chance upon reading this, but we're really not that affectionate. I think we have too much weird history for that. But this morning, for the first time in 3 years, we hugged. We've never hugged like that before kasi. Ever. And, for the first time, he made me feel, without doubt, that he REALLY loved me. I thank God for the strength he gave, that I didn't cry, because one of us had to be strong. Best goodbye present he ever could have given me. Well, second to him finally saying to my face, with conviction, I LOVE YOU. Hehe. :) I guess I'm a special siopao after all. :)

When I finally got into the car, where I would hitch a ride with Alls on the way home, the tears just came. In true Chiko fashion, I didn't let him see me cry. And, as I told Alls, it wasn't for anything else but that HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

So, how do I feel right now? Quoting my dear friend Reg... "IT FEELS GOOD TO BE LOVED."

You will be missed.

Come back soon, okay?

putting things to rest

Let it be said that I tried my best to keep things uncomplicated.

I think it’s time I wrote something about Tuck. Now I’ve known Tuck for a long, long time now. In fact, I can say that Tuck is only one of 2 men who can convince me to hope in love. Why? Because he is the perfect companion – the loving other half of someone I once considered to be one of my closest friends. They used to be my favorite couple – that is, until reality sank in and I was made to see they’re quite human after all.

You see… I fell for Tuck. Love? I don’t think so. Love’s too strong a word. I’ve only every really romantically loved 2 people in my life. But I did have feelings for him, that’s true. Unfortunately, he and my friend were a couple and there’s no way in hell I was ever going to try and break that up. But, like I always tell people, you can’t help how you feel or who you fall for. You can however, choose to not do anything about it. That’s exactly what I did. I could have done something but I didn’t. I could have been the real bitch and try to break them up. My friend was, after all, in the States and graciously lent me Tuck for companionship. She was also majorly cheating on him, which wouldn’t be the first time she’d done it. Did I tell on her? No, although I admit I was tempted to. No one who loves another so much deserves to be cheated on like that. I held my tongue simply because one, it wasn’t my place and two, because I love my friend. So I liked her boy. I didn’t do anything about it.

Now how did things get all fucked up? I made the mistake of trusting in a friendship that wasn’t all that genuine. I needed a sounding board. Let me tell you this now: if you ever feel the need to rant over Yahoo Messenger, DON’T. Cut and paste can be your worst enemy. Even if you “trust” the person you’re chatting with. Believe you me. I trusted my friend and she forwarded everything to Tuck’s girlfriend. So now she hates me. I don’t blame her. In my defense though, I didn’t do a thing. She may never come to believe it, but it was a difficult time for me.

What makes me feel bad, I guess, isn’t so much that she knows. I would have told her eventually – I just wasn’t ready. Some people, I guess, decide to take things into their own hands and make things worse. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, my dear. You could’ve handled this with more panache. So now Tuck knows. How embarrassing! Moreso, I am ashamed to face any of my old barkada. They probably think I’m some bitch-goddess boyfriend-stealer. Correction: I’m only a bitch-goddess. Dammit.

back with girlie vengeance

Ha! It's Monday and I am back at work - still coughing but no longer looking like a dike. Woohoo! Check out them heels!

Pardon the hyper-ness (yeah, well what's new Chiko?) but I think I may have had too much coffee. I love those mushrooms. I am a 'shroom addict. Haha.

Since I am back to my kikay ways, I'm not debating on what to do with my hair. I'm thinking of dyeing it red and putting streaks. And getting green contacts. I want to be Julianne Moore. Wishful thinking. Haha! Seriously though, I need to do something about my hair. My mom already launched into her "belittling Chiko" spiel this morning... with how fat and unattractive I've become. I'm not THAT ugly, you know. I just kinda got depressed so I gained some weight. Okay. A LOT of weight. So I'm a little pudgy now. Haaay. Sige na. Back to my diet.

But really... what do I do with my hair!?!

the fear of all things creepy-crawly

I just realized that today is Friday the 13th.

Not that I really believe in any of that bad luck mumbo-jumbo, but it's been a particularly freaky day for me today. (Aw, you saw the allusion to the Disney movie. Good for you.)

ANYWAY, I was driving to work this morning (Why I am STILL going to work even though it's my 5th sick day straight escapes me - even the bosses are telling me to stay home. Mommy2 even gave me antibiotics. She's so nice.) when I notice something moving on my windshield. "Oh, it's just a spider," I say. AND THEN I FRIGGIN' REALIZE THAT THE SPIDER IS INSIDE THE CAR. Waaaaah!!! Well, that COMPLETELY changes the story.

Bugs. I HATE bugs! One, they're scary and gross-looking. And their many, many legs. Ugh. Shivers down my spine. Ewww ewww ewww. Spiders aren't so bad though... It's really roaches that I'm afraid of... But I also saw Spiderman on HBO last night, so... My imagination was going wild.

Not only was I swerving in a busy intersection, my window was down and I was trying to swat the itty-bitty spider outside using my tissue box. Yes, it was dangerous. I swear though if the spider had crawled up my skin it would've been worse. Thank God I was able to send it out the window. Whew.

In other non bug-related news, everyone's really getting on my case about my choice of outfit. In their words, I look like a tomboy highschool kid. Or, in Filipino, "tibo na highschool."

Fine. The first time in ages I decide to come in comfy clothes and dress like a college kid, everyone makes fun of me. :P Hahaha. I DO have an excuse. I'm sick. Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to make up for it on Monday. Watch out, world! I'm going back to my girlie-girlness come next week. Ha!

scissor sisters. my new addiction. i want their new cd!!! aaaaahhh!!! 

mulling over our fight and flee response

I am sick for the 3rd straight day and it's not even funny. I absolutely DETEST being sick. Not only is the overall sensitive feeling icky bit a turn-off on its own... it's such a friggin' hassle. So allow me to vent on totally inane things as I am high on medication.

Let's start with...

SUNDAY, August 8.

Had to go home to the province for the christening of my second cousin's kid... which would make the baby, what, my cousin? Adorable little creature though. I have a soft-spot for all things helpless, which, I think, would explain why the whole "puppy-dog" (yes, I am well aware it's redundant) look turns me into an absolute marshmallow. I actually held her for a while. I swear, she liked me! She was cooing and smiling... Warm fuzzies. Awww...

Of course, no family thing could ever be complete without some sort of weirdness going on. I got to weasel out of singing alright (woohoo!! i DON'T sing in public) but I had to host the party. Why, oh why, is a host needed for a christening thingie? I have no idea. At least my relatives were happy, which is good enough for me. But the weird thing that happened was some old man (yes, we're talking lolo-old here) came up to me and started complaining about how I didn't introduce him, hence he couldn't sing. Why is this weird? 1) I don't KNOW the old man, 2) He wasn't on the program (yes, there was a program), 3) NO ONE had asked him to sing, and 4) He was REALLY ticked off at me. Go figure.

TUESDAY, August 10.

The fight or flee response.

You know how in our biology there are times when we simply MUST make a decision? Yeah, your body actually releases adrenalin, ultimately forcing you to FIGHT or FLEE. If you happened to watch the Nickelodeon series Inside Eddie Johnson, you'll know this for a fact. :P As I was saying, there are certain instances when we are compelled to make such decisions. Case in point: last night, while reading the Bible (yes, I'm trying to save my soul) I was so touched by a particular passage I wrote it down and sent it to a friend. Why that friend? I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA. He just popped into my head and something was telling me to send it to him. I don't know. It's not like I fear for his soul or anything. He's a good person after all. I really don't know why though. I was actually scared to send it to him, for fear of being thought of as a total whacko (I know what you're thinking. Shush.) but I had to send it. Literally, only God knows why.

Why does this incident merit a spot on my blog, you say? Because it was a fight or flee moment. Literally. I FELT it. And as far as I recally, I know of only 3 instances when this has happened to me. 1) Driving to Puffy's house the morning after we broke up. 2) Driving to Ed Bighead's house for some much needed CLOSURE. 3) After a totally horrendous fight with my mom (as in one of the WORST fights in my lifetime), to apologize. Now last night's moment wasn't exactly earth-shattering, but the response happened. So I am left with the question of... WHY?

TODAY, August 11.

For the second week in a row, a HUGE (I kid you not) signage nearly fell on me. I swear, I had JUST passed this heavy, wrought-iron mounted structure when the wind knocked it down. Shivers. I was really shaken. It hit a metal bench instead... but HELL, THAT COULD'VE BEEN ME!!!

Yes, it's the second week in a row. I probably have some Final Destination thing going on here. Last week, it was a smaller tarp mounted on metal frame. Probably only a third in size and weight. Now this? Oh, and driving along the highway I nearly crashed the car. Yupyup. Fell into some road construction. Well, it was still drivable but the car was hard to steer. Shit. Scary.


So... there you go. The last couple of days in a nutshell. Nothing really exciting happens to me anymore, I guess. Proof of this is that I was highlighting my 9-page long phone bill and found that in the past month I only called 3 of my friends. ALL the damn calls were business. I called the marketing department, the HR department, I even called the drivers. I HAVE NO LIFE!!!

I seriously have to rethink my current situation.

vat of ice cream needed...

Depression is in the air.

I think it's that time of the year when everyone starts wigging out. Like me, for example. Talk about a nervous breakdown on a Monday night. I still scare some people, I think...

On to other things...

I think my intuition's getting pretty good. I'm not going to get into details right now butI believe my gut feel was right. Oh, sweetie. If I could whisk away all the pain you're feeling now I would... *hug*

Yup. This is me. Displacement as a form of escapism. I have always dealt with things that way. I find that focusing on the little things alleviates the stress you feel from dealing with bigger issues. Of course, this makes one sound petty... but what the hell. My life, my shrink bill. :P

I need a vacation.

growl.

I'm terribly, terribly upset.

For some weird reason, my mom has been picking on me for coming home really late. Now... that NORMALLY wouldn't BE a surprise if, say, I came home everyday at three in the morning. BUT I'VE BEEN STAYING HOME FOR THE MOST PART OF LAST MONTH!!!

Growl.

This is even more upsetting because I had legit reasons for coming home late last night. Of course, she thinks I'm lying. Also, she CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME UNDERSTAND MY PASSION FOR PROD WORK. This is what I like to do. She never understood it, not even when I was still in school. She hated my projects, hated my coming home late. True as all mothers are, of course, the minute someone tells her my project was nice... SHE GETS ALL PROUD. EXPLETIVES. EXPLETIVES. EXPLETIVES. SCREAMING EXPLETIVES.

Now I'm once again looking for a diversion from the sometimes drudgery of my main work... SHE FRIGGIN' GETS ON MY CASE!!! I can't stand it. I beg off going out with my friends for the most part and this is what happens the minute I do?!? I STILL WANT TO HAVE SOME SEMBLANCE OF A SOCIAL LIFE... A means of escape from the life I find so redundant and bland.

ARGH.

Save me.

of course... how can i not add a picture of a cute kitty? meow! 

awww... bye-bye, reg. 

we all go a little crazy sometimes...

I never knew how funny Reg could be till last night.

Imagine, I practically went off the deep-end last Monday. We're talking major psychosis here. I was rambling like a lunatic, staring into space, restless and just plain... INSANE. I pity Reg and Kim... had to put up with my lunacy. Oh, well.

Hence last night's text exchange:

Chiko: Either I'm in a really good mood or you're hilarious today.
Reg: Please be in a good mood. You're creepy when you're insane.
Chiko: Hahaha! Did I really scare you that bad? Come on... "We all go a little crazy sometimes." - Norman Bates (Psycho)
Reg: "You're already scary enough on ordinary days." - Reg

BWAHAHAHA. Oh, Reg. You will be missed.

and here's what they look like. haha! 

harry and the potters...

Hahaha! Thanks to blue footed boobie (God knows WHY he chose that name), I have a new favorite band. HARRY and the POTTERS. Bwahahahaha.

Apparently, they sound like They Might Be Giants (at least from their early days) so I'm bound to trip on their music for sure. And with songs like Save Ginny Weasley and the Wrath of Hermione... Woohoo!!!